Friday, March 20, 2009

York Stories

Liane should write her own blog because the stuff that goes on at her house is beyond hilarious. She gives me so much good material. Thank you, Liane, Jason, Cooper, Carley, and Chloe!

The first story is a Carley story. Liane is breastfeeding Chloe, and that's all Chloe will take and tons of it...it's boobie time all the time. Liane keeps trying to give her rice cereal and baby food, but Chloe rejects it. She chokes and gag on it, and Liane says she may be eating retarded.

Back to the breastmilk....the slang word for breast is "teta" in Spanish (it's like "tit"). My dad was over babysitting for the kids, and he went to the fridge to see if Liane had left any bottles for Chloe, but Carley ran over and informed him, "There's no teta milk in there, Papa."

Cooper is also at his finest lately. He's at the age where he just repeats all kinds of things that he hears around the house. He was being super-cranky the other day, and Liane asked him what was wrong. He said, "Mom, you are driving me nuts. Sometimes, you just drive me nuts." I can TOTALLY see Jason saying that to Liane. I'm sure that Cooper picked it up from daddy.

That same day that he told her she was driving him nuts, Cooper also claimed Liane abused him. They were playing in their front yard, and the lady across the street came out, and Cooper decided to run over to talk to her. He got right up in front of her and said, "I have to tell you something. My mom hits me all the time. She spanks me all day and night." He went on and on like that. Liane rarely spanks Cooper, and even when she does, it's usually just a pat on the bottom with a "no," but she doesn't beat him with a belt or anything. Liane had no idea why he decided to say that. Luckily, the woman has a grandchild and apparently he had gone through the same thing at some point. Is there a "reporting false abuse" phase in childhood? If I have 3 kids talking about me beating them, I may start to beat them to shut them up. How embarrassing!

Jason also had another quotable quote last week. Alice said she was over there, and Liane was bending over to do something. Apparently, her teta milk has made her boobies a little larger than usual, so her tata was falling out of her top. She also had on low rise jeans so she had some crack showing. Jason proceeded to say, "Goddammit, Liane, why don't you buy some clothes that fit? It's like a porn show around here." Hilarious. I told Billy this, and he said, "I wonder how many sentences Jason says that start with Goddammit, Liane?" It's probably things like, "G-D, Liane, this house is filthy." or "G-D, Liane, is that baby shit on the floor?". It's only a matter of time before Cooper and/or Carley say that choice phrase.

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