Stolen Identity?

Warning: This post contains some cuss words. It's absolutely essential to the story, and I'm not saying it (well, sometimes it's me), it's just quotes. This is always how Drew justifies cussing. When he feels like saying a bad word, he'll tell you about a quote from a movie, and that makes it all okay. That kids sure is smart when he wants to be.

So Vivian enjoys some expensive things in life. She's never been one to wait for a sale to buy her clothes, shoes, furniture, accessories, etc. If she wants something, poof, she buys it. I sometimes buy something on the clearance rack and then get home and still feel guilty that I paid too much. Did I really need that shirt that was originally $80 and was marked down to $9.99? Yes, I stress about $9.99! Vivian, on the other hand, not so much.

Anyway, she decided she would have her hair chemically straightened. She has naturally curly hair, and it does get pretty big and crazy some days. She decided it was time to calm it down a bit so she opted for some ridiculously priced hair procedure. She also needed highlights at the time. Therefore, off she went to an insanely expensive Buckhead salon (Julio Cesar for those local folks who read the blog).

An army of people work on her hair. Different people wash it, highlight, lo-light, dry, straighten, etc. Therefore, when the bill comes, her hair plus all of the various tips comes out to around $700! Are you thinking I mistyped that figure? I didn't! It's over $700! Here is where I cuss...Holy Shit!

Liane was the one who told me this whole story, and when she gave me the total, she said, "I haven't spent $700 on my hair in the last 7 years." Amen, sister. What kind of insanity is this? Is the straightening solution made of liquid gold? Again, I have to repeat, Holy Shit!

Vivian pulls out her amex card and does some quick calculations in her head. The charge won't hit on this month's bill so she'll have another month to come up with an explanation for Paul (her husband). Then, Mr. Julio says, "Oh, we don't take amex." Now, Vivian has to pull out her checkcard, which means the charge will hit immediately, and she's got some explaining to do.

A little later, she receives a call from Paul who is going on like a mad man about how their identity has been stolen...."Someone stole our effing identity and made a huge charge to our account. Shit, I think it was our yard guy. Our yard guy stole our effing identity. Isn't our yard guy named Julio Cesar?"

Vivian corrects him and tells him that the yard guy is actually Carlos Ortiz. Side note: It's hilarious that a man married to a woman with the maiden name Rodriguez thinks that all Spanish names sound the same. We're all just a bunch of crazy Mexicans, right?

She then goes on to explain that Julio Cesar is where she just got her hair done, and the charge is from them. Paul is then relieved, and he says, "Oh. Well, call them and tell them they made a mistake. They put the decimal in the wrong place. The charge is like $700. "

Imagine his shock when she tells him that the charge is actually correct. At least it was her birthday weekend when this all happened so she was able to try to pull it off as her birthday present.

Vivian then showed up at my dad's house last week with curly hair. Liane and I were all like "WTF? Did you pay $700 for two weeks of straight hair?!" She said it's not as curly as before. I told her she should have stick straight hair for a lifetime for $700.

5 1/2 weeks

No, I'm not 5 1/2 weeks pregnant. If I was, I would have to quickly erase the previous post that says I don't want more kids because I wouldn't want that kid to read it and say, "I was an accident?! You didn't want me?!" Then, you have to go into all the b.s. about how they weren't an accident, and you love them very much, blah, blah, blah. This would surely land that kid in therapy for life. As it is, the kids we currently have may develop issues with understanding the whole "who's my mommy?" thing. I'm going to have to think about how I'm going to explain all that craziness to them.

I heard my parents give Liane the "you weren't an accident" speech. Although, it really was something more like this:

My dad: "I thought your mom was taking her birth control."
My mom: "You weren't an accident; I planned you. Your dad didn't really know about my plan, but it wasn't really an accident."

We always kidded with Liane that she was Mexican because my mom got knocked up there when we were on vacation. She's Montezuma's Revenge!

Anyway, back to the 5 1/2 weeks. This is actually the amount of time that Winne was healthy post-surgery before her other knee blew out. Yes, now she has torn the ACL on the other leg. The vet told us to expect that it would happen sooner or later, but c'mon now, 5 1/2 weeks? It's now time for another $3,000 surgery and 3 more months of recovery. This is going to suck big time-AGAIN!

Again, Alice went back to her suggestion of putting Winnie down. However, after having invested $3K in her just a few months ago, I'm not willing to give up on her. A friend of mine (hi, Lori!) said that when it happened to her brother's dog for a second time, her dad suggested amputating the leg. She said that was "old school" for you. That's not an option I'm willing to consider either. UGA Vet School...here comes Winnie.

Nature's Cruel Joke

Wouldn't it just be my luck that after having an irregular period, no ovulation, infertility, etc. for 3 years, it just takes having triplets to normalize my body's menstrual cycle? Yes, that's right, I'm now Miss Normal period with a 30 day cycle. How could this be?

Now this has me thinking that maybe we should just try for one baby. A little guy or girl that is actually conceived the old fashioned way and grows all alone in my uterus. Wouldn't that be something? If you are reading this and think I'm serious, you don't know me well. I don't really want another baby! I'm thrilled with what I have. These babies make me incredibly happy and exhausted. I wouldn't push the limits.

Besides, my husband just had his ball sack cut to avoid this whole situation. What if I now turned to him and said I changed my mind. He would kill me.

Here are some shots of my perfect little family:

Marie shoving baby cheetos in her mouth with her feet propped up on her little table. This kid is a class act.

Will hiding in his favorite corner with his devil eyes. Maybe I should do some red eye reduction. Who has time for all that crazy photo-shop business?

Will looking through the rails going up the stairs at Marmie's. Yes, that's right, they climb stairs. I didn't think they could climb stairs, but off they went, and very quickly might I add. Scary!

Abby's little smiling faces kills me. Look at those silly little teeth. She is insanely adorable!

A couple of weeks ago, they all got into this hat thing. They wanted to wear hats. They had3 or 4 of them out, and they would trade them and pose with them on their heads. Will looked particularly fetching in the one that Marie is wearing here when it was his turn. Billy is not thrilled about the cross-dressing I do to that poor boy some days. I have to keep assuring him that a few little girly outfits, hair bows, etc. will not turn him gay.

They remove the plastic lidsoff their clothing bins, sit on them, and wait for a sucker to come along and push them around. Their combined weight is pretty heavy. I can't push for long, and they get mad at me when I give up.

Nobody keeps a bib on during meal times. I end up doing multiple wardrobe changes every day. Here is Abby removing her bib and putting it on her head.
We went to a friend's birthday party at Monkey Joe's, and the kids loved it. Here's Abby doing her famous finger point inside one of the jumpy things. She points at everything and says, "Dat." Well, she does have one word she knows well. She points at Winnie and says, "DOG" very clearly.

Here's the trio sitting in the middle of one of the jumpy things trying to figure out what is going on. Once they realized it was so bouncy, they crawled around like crazy and had a blast.

They are very into examining the mechanics of everything. They want to know how everything works. They look very closely at the gate, including the latch where we open and close it, their toys, basically anything and everything. Once they do figure out how it all works, we'll be in big trouble.

Belated thank yous

Having triplets takes a toll on your body, but what really gets me is the effect it has had on my mind. I just don't have it all quite "together" yet. I think it's because I'm constantly thinking of a million things...the kids, Billy, my job, my dissertation, what I'm going to make for dinner, how long since I did laundry, who's taking a baby this weekend, etc., etc. When your thoughts are split in a million directions, some things end up slipping through the cracks. A while ago, I discovered a major slip that I feel badly about, but I'm sure it won't be the last time something like this happens.

After the kids were baptized, I had Billy find our box of thank you notes. I wasn't sure where it was, and he dug around for a while and came back with it. I opened the box to discover tons of envelopes labeled with names and cards in them. What happened here? I suddenly remembered that these were the thank you notes I had written soon after the babies were born to thank everyone who gave us stuff during the homestretch, at the hospital, and soon after we got the babies home. In my lack of sleep, drained of breast milk stupor, I must have put them aside, thinking I would mail them but never did. Way to go, Leslie!

I wasn't sure at that point what I should do. I thought it might be too weird to mail them because: a) I don't recall anything I wrote in any of them, and with the state of mind I was in, it could be anything, and b) is it totally weird to get a thank you months after sending a gift? At that point, you probably don't even remember giving the person anything.

I thought that maybe I should write a little note on the back of the envelopes saying "I wrote this soon after the babies were born. I don't remember what it says, and I'm sorry I didn't get it to you sooner, but thank you for the gift." I thought that would be awkward also because it's like saying, "I don't know what you gave me, but we probably used it by now. I don't know what we used it for, but I'm sure it worked." That doesn't seem like a proper thank you.

I decided to write a post here instead. I figured most of the folks who gave us gifts during that time probably read this blog, and I could give them a good explanation of what happened. Therefore, if you did not receive a thank you note from me for something you gave me, please understand that I am incredibly thankful for whatever it was you gave the babies and/or me. I used everything. I returned very few things, and even if I returned something, I got Babies R Us credit, which I've used to buy diapers, food, wipes, etc. Your gift and/or meal was appreciated, but more than that, I am so thankful that you thought of us!

I apologize for my rudeness, but I'm hoping that Year 1 in the life of the triplets entitles me to a "free pass" on being rude. I may not answer e-mails, phone calls, texts, evites, etc. It's not because I'm avoiding you. It's because my life is so full of insanity, that I don't even want to drag you into it. I don't know when things will slow down, but when/if they do, I can't wait to gather my thoughts, stop being rude, and reconnect with friends. When will these kids start preschool already?

Step-by-step

Mems was feeling very brave and took Will and Marie one night! She was super excited because Marie was very sweet to her. Marie is such a momma's girl! Mems had backup support from Bill.

In every picture where Will is near water, he always looks overjoyed. Will he be the next Michael Phelps? (Maybe minus the bong part.)

Mems had Billy, Bill, the kids and I over for my birthday. This was the "kids' table." I have some pictures I took of it where Marie has her feet up on the table. She was just making herself at home. It didn't last long, though. They took to the floor and started terrorizing the kitchen. It was not a peaceful dinner....never is anymore.

Mems decided she wanted to have cool new stuff for the kids at her house so she purchased a roller coaster (shown later) and this little rocking chair. They all love the chair. Marie is holding her toy remote control in the chair. She must have learned some lessons from daddy...comfortable chair and a remote control.

Here is Will practicing for When he gets his own recliner. Alice said that the next thing you know, he'll start relaxing with his hand in his diaper. Good times ahead.

Notice Will's shoes? Mems took us shoe shopping last week! Everyone got a new pair at Stride Rite. They were having a buy one, get one 1/2 off sale. We had their tiny feet measured, and Mems sprung for some new kicks. They are so cute! Thanks, Mems.

Here is the roller coaster. They aren't scared on it, but they aren't exactly thrilled. They act somewhat indifferent whenever we send them coasting. Don't you think they would have some sort of reaction? Weird.

Abby is looking sweet after Mems blew out her hair. I guess it really didn't take long, since she has hardly any hair. Mems is looking forward to when she can take the girls for manis and pedis.

Abby is looking awesome in her bikini. How cute is this?

Abby is totally chill in the rocker. She's just watching some Mickey Mouse clubhouse and drinking a tall bottle of whole milk. Does life get any better?

So, Abby is walking now! She was taking a couple of steps at a time for a several weeks, but on Monday, she just let go of the gate she was holding on to, and walked 5 or 6 steps right to me. Billy and I were in shock. We just stared at her and then each other. It's amazing to see her moving like that! Will and Marie kind of watched her, and their expressions were like, "What the hell is she doing?" Soon enough, they will want to do the same thing. 3 walkers? We're in big trouble.

Marie had a rough weekend and early part of the week. She was teething, had an allergic reaction to an antibiotic we gave her for an ear infection, and who knows what else. She was generally just a mess! It was so hard to deal with her because she was literally up all night for 3 nights, and she only wanted me. I slept about 8 hours total over a 3 night period. Not pretty. It was worse than when they were newborns.

My dad came to help with her one night, and he put her in her stroller and walked in circles inside our house from 12-2 a.m. She fell asleep in the stroller, and he let her rest there for about an hour. Then, she woke up and he held her until she went back to sleep. At that point, he put her up in her room, and she stayed down. However, since he wasn't sure how long it would last, he decided to sleep on the floor in her room. My dad is too old to be sleeping on the floor...damn, I'm too old to sleep on the floor. Poor Papa!

Will is our little bully. He bites Marie like crazy, and yesterday, he bit Abby in the face. Today, however, the girls decided to beat him up. I guess they started learning about "girl power." He was covered with bite marks. I hope this biting stage slows down soon. They are like wild beasts.

Will has also gotten much better at eating. His favorite food is peas! He gobbles them up whenever we put them on his plate. Marie loves green beans. Abby is fond of veggie meatballs. They actually all love the meatballs, but Mems hates for me to give them to them because she says they poop out what looks like meatballs at her house.

I think that wraps up the baby business for now. I need to update more often. I've fallen way behind this month. I started working full time a couple of weeks ago, and things have been incredibly hectic since then. I miss my part-time schedule, but unfortunately, we can't afford for me to live a life of part-time leisure. Oh well. I bought a lotto ticket today so let's hope it solves all our problems!

Nardcation

Tomorrow is Billy's big "procedure." We are anxiously anticipating what the day will hold for him. After the surgery, he'll need to get on his jock strap and chill. We are calling it his nardcation...you know, a vacation for his balls. I am currently dying laughing. Why do nuts have to be so funny?

My friend, Amanda, invited us over for a cookout on Saturday, and I just wasn't sure how to respond to her. Would it interfere with Nardcation 2009? I decided to put it gingerly and say something along the lines of, "I can't commit because Billy is having his nard tubes cut and burned on Friday, and I'm not sure if his balls will be up to cooking out on Saturday."

I then e-mailed Billy and asked him what he thought we should tell her. His response was something like, "Huh. Can we say TBD (nsan)? nsan=not sure about nards." Scary how our freaky little minds work the same way!

I have new pictures of the babies and fun updates (We have a walker!), but I just don't feel right about putting that in the same post with a bunch of talk about gonads. I'll get them up tomorrow.