I guess the typical type of "mommy guilt" for working moms is that they feel like they should be at home taking care of their kids, instead of working. However, my mommy guilt is that I enjoy my job and look forward to the days I go to the office. It's not that I don't love the babies; it's just that I yearn to stimulate my brain in different ways.
I have always loved learning. If that makes me a big dork, then so be it. That's the only reason I made it through as many years of school as I did. I am always looking for ways to soak up new knowledge and sharpen my professional skills. Billy said I was probably the annoying student in the front row who always raised her hand whenever the teacher asked anything. I wasn't that bad. Okay, maybe a little.
The three months that I spent at home were amazing and wonderful but incredibly difficult. On one hand, I had what I had been wanting for so many years: a family. However, on the other hand, my life was completely different. Instead of juggling work responsibilities, assignments for school, conducting research, and keeping the household in order (i.e., cooking, cleaning, paying bills, doing laundry, etc.), I was focused solely on the babies. Every day was just like the one before for those 3 months. I now feel like it was all a blur, but all I can remember is changing diapers, feeding babies, pumping milk, feeding babies, hearing babies cry, changing diapers, etc. When I look back at some of my blog entries from that time, it's almost like someone else wrote those posts because I just don't remember them.
People kept telling me that I wouldn't want to go back to work when the babies arrived, and I started to believe that might be true. However, I came to my senses after a few weeks and knew that I would be a working mom. It's not because I don't love the babies. I simply also enjoy my profession. Should I feel guilty about that? I don't think so.
I want my kids to grow up knowing that they can do whatever they want to do. If Abby, Marie, and/or even Will want to be stay at home parents as adults, I would be just as proud as if they were brain surgeons. I just don't ever want them to not consider the possibilities.
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