Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Stolen Identity?

Warning: This post contains some cuss words. It's absolutely essential to the story, and I'm not saying it (well, sometimes it's me), it's just quotes. This is always how Drew justifies cussing. When he feels like saying a bad word, he'll tell you about a quote from a movie, and that makes it all okay. That kids sure is smart when he wants to be.

So Vivian enjoys some expensive things in life. She's never been one to wait for a sale to buy her clothes, shoes, furniture, accessories, etc. If she wants something, poof, she buys it. I sometimes buy something on the clearance rack and then get home and still feel guilty that I paid too much. Did I really need that shirt that was originally $80 and was marked down to $9.99? Yes, I stress about $9.99! Vivian, on the other hand, not so much.

Anyway, she decided she would have her hair chemically straightened. She has naturally curly hair, and it does get pretty big and crazy some days. She decided it was time to calm it down a bit so she opted for some ridiculously priced hair procedure. She also needed highlights at the time. Therefore, off she went to an insanely expensive Buckhead salon (Julio Cesar for those local folks who read the blog).

An army of people work on her hair. Different people wash it, highlight, lo-light, dry, straighten, etc. Therefore, when the bill comes, her hair plus all of the various tips comes out to around $700! Are you thinking I mistyped that figure? I didn't! It's over $700! Here is where I cuss...Holy Shit!

Liane was the one who told me this whole story, and when she gave me the total, she said, "I haven't spent $700 on my hair in the last 7 years." Amen, sister. What kind of insanity is this? Is the straightening solution made of liquid gold? Again, I have to repeat, Holy Shit!

Vivian pulls out her amex card and does some quick calculations in her head. The charge won't hit on this month's bill so she'll have another month to come up with an explanation for Paul (her husband). Then, Mr. Julio says, "Oh, we don't take amex." Now, Vivian has to pull out her checkcard, which means the charge will hit immediately, and she's got some explaining to do.

A little later, she receives a call from Paul who is going on like a mad man about how their identity has been stolen...."Someone stole our effing identity and made a huge charge to our account. Shit, I think it was our yard guy. Our yard guy stole our effing identity. Isn't our yard guy named Julio Cesar?"

Vivian corrects him and tells him that the yard guy is actually Carlos Ortiz. Side note: It's hilarious that a man married to a woman with the maiden name Rodriguez thinks that all Spanish names sound the same. We're all just a bunch of crazy Mexicans, right?

She then goes on to explain that Julio Cesar is where she just got her hair done, and the charge is from them. Paul is then relieved, and he says, "Oh. Well, call them and tell them they made a mistake. They put the decimal in the wrong place. The charge is like $700. "

Imagine his shock when she tells him that the charge is actually correct. At least it was her birthday weekend when this all happened so she was able to try to pull it off as her birthday present.

Vivian then showed up at my dad's house last week with curly hair. Liane and I were all like "WTF? Did you pay $700 for two weeks of straight hair?!" She said it's not as curly as before. I told her she should have stick straight hair for a lifetime for $700.


Mary said...

I have to comment on this post, seeing as I'm a friend of Vivian's. I laughed so hard I almost fell out of my chair. I am the one who told Vivian about Julio Caeser's salon and ironically until about 18 months ago I never spent more than $12 at Supercuts for my hair. Why I decided to make the change to the salon is a whole other story but I just wanted to say I really enjoyed your point of view!

kmehawkeye said...

love are a good story teller!