Thursday, November 1, 2007

Ass Essentials

Well, I checked in with Liane last night to see how she was doing. She has vertigo now, which from what she tells me, is pretty sucky. Anyway, she was filling me in how she and Jason had been adding up their child-related expenses for the past year. She said that they spend $4500 on diapers, butt cream, and wipes last year. Jason refers to these items as the "ass essentials."

I then proceeded to make the mistake of telling Billy about this. He is seriously concerned about the costs associated with the whole baby thing, and the $4500 ass essentials bill didn't help him feel any better.

We've been going back and forth about how many embryos we'll transfer in, and it depends first and foremost on how many good ones we have, but the doctor seems to think we'll have plenty. Then, we will have to decide if we want 2 or 3 to go back in. The doctor recommends 2, but she will do up to 3 but no more. I'm all for 3 at this point, but Billy has been leaning towards 2. We've got some time before we make a decision so we can put that off for now.

If I got pregnant with triplets, the only ass essential Billy would need is a diaper, because he would crap his pants. No, he's more of a barfer so he would probably just throw up all over the doctor's office, like the time he threw up in the Elliott's kitchen. I hope our kid(s) aren't barfers.

I'll update you tomorrow after I hit the estrogen bottle hard.

By the way, you can post comments directly on this blog, instead of e-mailing me back. It doesn't really matter to me either way, but if you post on the site, everyone can enjoy your messages. I told Liane she should add her side of the story, and she asked me if she would get a cut of the money if I end up with a book deal. This does not bode well for her eggs. Lord help me.


Jamie said...

Thanks for the heads up on the "ass essentials" and related costs. Since I am carrying the spawn of Matt Taylor, I will expect to double that expense when putting my budget together.

tonyaf said...

I am crackin' up at your posts!Isn't it all so crazy?! It is so hard and the meds are so awful-I have been there, so I really do know-but reading it in black and white just makes me laugh at how ridiculous it all is. I promise you that when this is all over and you are holding that baby,You guys will look at each other and say "Maybe we could do this one more time, it wasn't so bad" The mind and heart are amazing, the result is all it sees and the pain is forgotten.

When Steve and I were going through all og this, we used to quote the movie "Raising Arizona". I don't know if you ever saw it, but there are some classic lines about infertility and ultimately the desperation it leads to. Our two favorites are:

"Edwina's insides were a rocky place where my seed could find no purchase."

"H.I., Go in there and get me a baby!"

They are much funnier on screen, check it out for an escape to the madness!!!!!!!!!!!

Seriously, I am keeping you in my prayers and I know that this will work, you just have to keep the faith.

Tonya Farnham

Les-Zig said...

Tonya, Thanks for the post! I know you've been there so you totally understand the insanity that comes along with infertility. I'm hoping to pop out 2 or 3 this round and never have to even think about doing this crap again.

Les-Zig said...

Jamie-You are so right about adding extra to the "ass essentials" on account of Matt Taylor's "shitty" DNA. I'll just need extra burp clothes since our child will just vomit constantly. The pooping is more my issue, and thankfully, that's one thing Liane doesn't have.

Becky Neece said...

I am afraid to add up what we have already spent on ass essentials! Rowan does this awesome trick of peeing and pooping while we change her...EVERYTIME! Therefore, we go through 2-3 diapers everytime we change her. I think we are going to spend her entire college fund on her butt!

kmehawkeye said...

I truly hope this kid can contain it in a diaper instead of spewing it projectile style like your husband. Oh the stories we will tell about daddy billy. I did my baby budget last month and I have a separate line item for diapers...I think I may change it to ass essentials now. Its just more fun that way.