Friday, November 30, 2007

TWW

In the world of infertility/trying to conceive, women online refer to the two week wait between ovulation/egg retrieval/embryo transfer and a pregnancy test as the tww. TWW is a source of major stress. You've done everything you can possibly do, and now you just have to wait and see. There's nothing else you can do to make a pregnancy happen for you.

I'm approaching the end of my tww, but it's been tough. I told Billy last night that I wasn't feeling good about it. I just don't feel any different, and I think I should feel a little something, at least, if there is a person or persons growing inside of me. If you ask women who have been pregnant and/or look at websites about pregnancy, you'll see that some women claim to know instantly that they are pregnant, while others feel no symptoms at all and continue on with their normal lives until they realize they've missed a period. So, how's it going to be for me?

Every little thing that happens I think jeopardizes my precious embryos. Sometimes, Winnie will pull hard on her leash, and I'll jog a bit to catch up. I have to stop myself, and I think, "Crap, did I just dislodge an embryo?" Today, I was on the couch, and Winnie jumped up on me right in the belly. I didn't have time to block her, and I keep thinking that she smooshed my embryos, and that I'm going to start bleeding any minute uncontrollably. I know it's all irrational and crazy, but I can't stop thinking about it.

I also think about every little thing I feel. I'll have a cramp here or there, and I'll think, is that good or bad? I haven't been sleeping well at night, which is very unlike me. I fall asleep fine (usually super early), but then I wake up several times during the night, and I don't know why. Sometimes I remember having a weird dream that wakes me. What's that all about? I'm insanely hungry all the time, but I think that's from the hormones I'm on.

The nurse told me after embryo transfer that I may experience some bleeding 2-3 days after. She said it could be a good sign-implantation bleeding. This happens in some women when the embryo attaches to the uterine lining. However, in others, it never happens. I kept checking my underwear all day Monday and Tuesday, but there was no blood. Then I worry that perhaps my embryos didn't implant.

I wake up every morning hoping it will be the day that I puke my guts out. I actually want to vomit. What's wrong with me? I need the tww to just end. I'm counting down the days until Tuesday.

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